so it goes.

Seeing these photos of Oliver makes me realize just how much he and the others have actually grown, and it's a bit sad. These were taken in February, when I had only been in my apartment for a few weeks. Everything still so certain and very much in front of me; me, not knowing what would come. It was a bit exciting, the uncertainty, if not a bit terrifying, but that's always part of the excitement I imagine. So now here I am, teetering on the brink of it all, facing hard times. The picture frames long been hung, the flowers in their pots, bloomed and already passed on; shriveled and brown-spotted and discarded in the trash. The excitement passed, and now just left with the uncertainty, but not the exciting kind. 

I hope I can stay here in this little nest I've built, where I've surrounded myself and my kittens with all the trivial comforts that make one feel at home; trinkets, knick-knacks (like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops). I wanted so badly to be here for Fall. Winter. The holidays. Thoughts of the warm smells of Autumnal treats baking filling my tiny home, making it cozy; decorating with fake leaves and real pumpkins, and eventually with white twinkling lights and a real Christmas tree... these thoughts once caused me to well up, to swell with emotion in looking forward to spending my favorite seasons in my new home. But now: that looming uncertainty. I really, really hope I can stay, because I'm really starting to like it here.


  1. Sounds like you are going through a bit of a hard time. I always hate that feeling of uncertainty. Are things going to work? Can I stay here? What happens if...?
    I am a big believer in positive thinking. If you want something bad enough, as long as you remain positive and work as hard as you can, one day you'll get it.
    Chin up lovely, you'll be ok =]

    1. thank you for your kind words. as a realist, positive thinking can be a bit tough at times but i'm trying to stay optimistic, as things do tend to have of a way of working themselves out occasionally (fingers crossed).


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